Feeling the Distance

Technology is an amazing thing. It has allowed me to stay connected, despite having, literally, opposite schedules. I have enjoyed this new adventure; all of the new experiences will be remembered for a lifetime.

As much as I love to meet new people, I really wish my friends were here to experience them with me. During this little struggle to adapt, I find myself leaning on friends back home to give me the strength to continue to push forward. While its nice to have that support, it puts an extra (and unfair) burden on them.

It was great in the beginning, but as more calls are missed and ignored, I have found social media helpful to feel a little less "out-of the-loop." Documenting my journey through writing and photos has forced me to go out and explore. Though extremely time consuming, it makes me feel a little less lonely.

While I don't want to lose contact with my friends and family, I need to learn to cope with my new situation. While we all want to have someone to depend on, we have to learn how to "fix" our own situations.

When I was recovering from my surgery, it was hard to rebuild. A very overwhelming feeling, because I realized that the rest of world did not stop just because mine stopped. I had to start form the bottom; sitting up, standing, walking, moving my arm, lifting my arm, holding things...

China is a very similar situation;  I am an adult who is, more or less, illiterate. Just as before, nothing stopped because of my struggles, but instead of being depressed, I am just lonely. I read and write to pass the time, and take pictures for enjoyment. I explore when I have enough nerve and energy to "cope" with the ignorant. It's a freeing, but frustrating experience.

In the end, being abroad is like a magnifying glass to all your quirks and insecurities. I am an impatient American; I always want results now. I want to be normal, when know I'm destined to stand out. I'm always near the "in crowd," but never quite apart of it. I'm known, but seemingly unnoticed; always waiting, listening, and observing.

This time for realization is necessary, and instead of fighting the truth, we must learn to embrace it. My goal is to continue to patiently invest in myself.